I'm not even sure where to start. This is another of those that has been on my mind a while and coherent structure along a linear path eludes me.
Variety is the spice of life. If you are an adult you've heard this. If you are a teenager you've likely heard this. If you are in the generation that is soon to come, I doubt most will ever hear this phrase.
It is a statement of society and culture that will have this old statement disappearing from us.
Ok, this has pissed me off for a while and I have to get this off my chest. People will say it's just a saying with a good sentiment but I think it is a big problem. When it comes to race relations they say how we all need to be color blind or some stupid variation of it. Now, before you throw stones hear me out. Or not, I don't really care. Let's apply this stupidity to the rest of life and see what the 2 people who read this think.
Sight. What if everything was one color? We maybe could see outlines but essentially it was one color.
Smell. What if we had no sense of smell? Good or bad it would get old.
Taste. What if there was only a dull sense of flavor and everything tasted like chicken as the joke goes?
Where is the joy in the diversity? The God of the universe created a seemingly infinite number of sights, sounds and tastes. Why? FOR OUR ENJOYMENT. If we reduce race to color blind (or the more socially correct statement equality) there is no enjoyment in the immense diversity that God gave us. And get this addendum that I'm sure will send people running away screaming and holding their ears, Sometimes we don't enjoy every sight. Sometimes we don't enjoy every smell. Sometimes we don't enjoy every taste. GASP! Did he just think that? How dare he! But wait, What I mean by this is that we don't ENJOY everything. This is not some blanket excuse to discriminate. This means that we don't like everything but all these things are diverse for a reason. Variety. God gave us variety and instead of trying to reduce the significance to a nonsense statement we ought to look past the coy catch phrases and look for the better answer.
And that's what's on my mind.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Tears
When I cry, I cry alone. Whether day or dark I weep alone. When life rolls I tumble down. When I fall I struggle up.
Life is hard and seems so long. I hear from the aged that it is so short. But right this time it seems so long. Why struggle for all is vain.
All efforts you make matter not. All is loss, there is no gain. No matter how you work it's already set. There is no victory. The words I speak, the thoughts I think, all they do is point me dark.
That's where my mind is this week.
I'll try to put Variety up soon. I need to get out of this hole first before I can articulate properly.
Life is hard and seems so long. I hear from the aged that it is so short. But right this time it seems so long. Why struggle for all is vain.
All efforts you make matter not. All is loss, there is no gain. No matter how you work it's already set. There is no victory. The words I speak, the thoughts I think, all they do is point me dark.
That's where my mind is this week.
I'll try to put Variety up soon. I need to get out of this hole first before I can articulate properly.
Friday, May 06, 2016
Anger
I have thought about this post for a long time but never really gotten around to it for one reason or another. Life and the right words and all that entails. Even further where to start has stuck in my mind. Do I start with the morality of it? The emotion of it? My story of it? If I lay it all out will anybody understand my thought process? Will anyone even care? Well, that last one kind of doesn't matter I guess. This is a blog about my mind and what goes on there. There are things I don't think will ever go in here. That's just the nature of humanity. Not necessarily secrets per se but private thoughts that no one else would really get or for that matter needs to know about. So, I guess you could say this blog is a glimpse into the mind of Stephen.
Anyway. Anger is an emotion. That seems like the right spot to start. The obvious. But I think that we should look past the obvious statement that anger is an emotion. In day to day life we don't think about our emotions as emotions. We think of them as nothing more than who we are. I'm outspoken. I'm shy. I'm passionate. I'm withdrawn. I'm, I'm, I'm. This is not a bad thing per se. We just think of them in terms of ME. We equate our emotions as ourselves. This is a bit backwards. We are humanity. Created in the image of God. Built from dirt to live, breath and give Him praise and glory. That is who we are. Or at least a little closer to reality. The emotions are a add-on to the free will. A variety if you will. In a future blog I'm going to go into this a bit more with the whole variety thing but for today's purposes I will not. Let's just say that despite all the negative connotations that are often equated to emotions, life would be really dull without the variety.
So, point one. Anger is an emotion.
Anger is not sin. By itself and barring the influence of a sin nature built into all of us (thanks Adam) it is (see above) nothing more than an emotion. You see? This is why I wasn't sure where to begin. Due to the circular way that my brain often works it is hard to put it in a coherent linear process. Again, anyway. There is nothing wrong with being angry. It can often push us to do or accomplish things that we otherwise would not get to or want to. Sometimes to do things that we would NOT otherwise do. It is the influence of sin (or "bad feelings" for some of you) that pushes our actions into good or bad responses. This is the key I think. I'm not really sure what else to say about it. Our actions make or break what the emotion becomes.
I though of a number of analogies but ultimately it just comes down to our actions. We choose to be ruled by our emotions, in this case anger, or we rule our emotions. This is important.
We all have every emotion. But we are given them to greater or lesser degrees. We have a responsibility to use them as intended. To have a measure of self control in all we do. Moderation is another word that works here. We should learn to control them. I have had to learn this. Most people assume that I have them under control. That I am just laid back and cool. While there is an element of truth to that, it is not the whole story.
My story? Simple. I had an anger problem. I learned to keep cool on the outside and thereby keep it hidden. I was a cauldron of anger that was boiling into rage. I don't know that there was any specific reason. In fact, looking back I don't believe there was anything. I was just letting it quietly eat me alive. That's the thing with emotions. They are meant to be used and I was mostly letting mine boil inside. For those who struggle with recognizing those who, like me, are holding it in, it is really easy to tell. Passionate arguer. Arguments happen. Disagreements happen. But arguing every point is one of the signs of someone who has an anger problem. I see it in others and it is like a beacon that lights the sky. I can see it as clearly as I see them. I don't know how to really explain it but their face is different. Again, it's not the same as a normal disagreement look. I really don't know how else to explain it.
But as I became a teenager it was close to the exploding point. I could see it. I could feel it. I was aware of it. And I was at best keeping it secret. Nothing more. It was controlling me. You know the old cartoons where the person would turn red starting at their feet and it would burn all the way up to their heads? That is almost exactly what it's like. The only thing wrong is that it starts in the head and boils down toward the feet. You stop thinking and the rage takes over. Your skin burns. Your blood boils and in the worst cases you will sweat. The feeling to lash out becomes strong. It all came to head one day when I was being irrationally disagreeable to someone. All day. I was shaking from the rage that was building inside me and I finally had enough and I took a swing. At the very last second I realized what I was doing and I pulled the punch. It landed but it was very light in the end. I call that my pivot point. That was where I became not just aware of my problem but realized that the path I was headed down was one of complete and utter disaster. I began the journey of controlling my anger and using self-control. We like to say how we hand things to God and he delivered us but I don't think He works that way. He expects us to do the work. And it took a long time to change from hiding the anger to not succumbing to it. Self-control is important. I am not idle in my desire to show peace. When people are being rotten or even just the scum of the earth my brain is frantically maintaining control. I become thoughtful and introverted as I put the figurative reigns on and slow things down. I let slip occasionally and my argumentativeness comes out but rarely do I give in to the anger in such a way as to boil. It always takes time to come down from such an event. I clearly see how people give in and lose all control but it is a cliff I choose not to jump over. I allow the anger like electricity to flow through me and wash out the bottom. Self-control. It is part of growing up, maturing and becoming an adult. And more than that it is honoring to God that we show self control and not let our passions or emotions run wild. Praise God for that moment of clarity all those years ago.
That is what's on my mind and now finally written down. If it can help someone that's great. If not, maybe it will give you a little better understanding of the flashes that go through my brain and why I am often silent. I am just letting things process. It saves me a lot of trouble in the long term.
Anyway. Anger is an emotion. That seems like the right spot to start. The obvious. But I think that we should look past the obvious statement that anger is an emotion. In day to day life we don't think about our emotions as emotions. We think of them as nothing more than who we are. I'm outspoken. I'm shy. I'm passionate. I'm withdrawn. I'm, I'm, I'm. This is not a bad thing per se. We just think of them in terms of ME. We equate our emotions as ourselves. This is a bit backwards. We are humanity. Created in the image of God. Built from dirt to live, breath and give Him praise and glory. That is who we are. Or at least a little closer to reality. The emotions are a add-on to the free will. A variety if you will. In a future blog I'm going to go into this a bit more with the whole variety thing but for today's purposes I will not. Let's just say that despite all the negative connotations that are often equated to emotions, life would be really dull without the variety.
So, point one. Anger is an emotion.
Anger is not sin. By itself and barring the influence of a sin nature built into all of us (thanks Adam) it is (see above) nothing more than an emotion. You see? This is why I wasn't sure where to begin. Due to the circular way that my brain often works it is hard to put it in a coherent linear process. Again, anyway. There is nothing wrong with being angry. It can often push us to do or accomplish things that we otherwise would not get to or want to. Sometimes to do things that we would NOT otherwise do. It is the influence of sin (or "bad feelings" for some of you) that pushes our actions into good or bad responses. This is the key I think. I'm not really sure what else to say about it. Our actions make or break what the emotion becomes.
I though of a number of analogies but ultimately it just comes down to our actions. We choose to be ruled by our emotions, in this case anger, or we rule our emotions. This is important.
We all have every emotion. But we are given them to greater or lesser degrees. We have a responsibility to use them as intended. To have a measure of self control in all we do. Moderation is another word that works here. We should learn to control them. I have had to learn this. Most people assume that I have them under control. That I am just laid back and cool. While there is an element of truth to that, it is not the whole story.
My story? Simple. I had an anger problem. I learned to keep cool on the outside and thereby keep it hidden. I was a cauldron of anger that was boiling into rage. I don't know that there was any specific reason. In fact, looking back I don't believe there was anything. I was just letting it quietly eat me alive. That's the thing with emotions. They are meant to be used and I was mostly letting mine boil inside. For those who struggle with recognizing those who, like me, are holding it in, it is really easy to tell. Passionate arguer. Arguments happen. Disagreements happen. But arguing every point is one of the signs of someone who has an anger problem. I see it in others and it is like a beacon that lights the sky. I can see it as clearly as I see them. I don't know how to really explain it but their face is different. Again, it's not the same as a normal disagreement look. I really don't know how else to explain it.
But as I became a teenager it was close to the exploding point. I could see it. I could feel it. I was aware of it. And I was at best keeping it secret. Nothing more. It was controlling me. You know the old cartoons where the person would turn red starting at their feet and it would burn all the way up to their heads? That is almost exactly what it's like. The only thing wrong is that it starts in the head and boils down toward the feet. You stop thinking and the rage takes over. Your skin burns. Your blood boils and in the worst cases you will sweat. The feeling to lash out becomes strong. It all came to head one day when I was being irrationally disagreeable to someone. All day. I was shaking from the rage that was building inside me and I finally had enough and I took a swing. At the very last second I realized what I was doing and I pulled the punch. It landed but it was very light in the end. I call that my pivot point. That was where I became not just aware of my problem but realized that the path I was headed down was one of complete and utter disaster. I began the journey of controlling my anger and using self-control. We like to say how we hand things to God and he delivered us but I don't think He works that way. He expects us to do the work. And it took a long time to change from hiding the anger to not succumbing to it. Self-control is important. I am not idle in my desire to show peace. When people are being rotten or even just the scum of the earth my brain is frantically maintaining control. I become thoughtful and introverted as I put the figurative reigns on and slow things down. I let slip occasionally and my argumentativeness comes out but rarely do I give in to the anger in such a way as to boil. It always takes time to come down from such an event. I clearly see how people give in and lose all control but it is a cliff I choose not to jump over. I allow the anger like electricity to flow through me and wash out the bottom. Self-control. It is part of growing up, maturing and becoming an adult. And more than that it is honoring to God that we show self control and not let our passions or emotions run wild. Praise God for that moment of clarity all those years ago.
That is what's on my mind and now finally written down. If it can help someone that's great. If not, maybe it will give you a little better understanding of the flashes that go through my brain and why I am often silent. I am just letting things process. It saves me a lot of trouble in the long term.
Tuesday, May 03, 2016
Conversations
Due to the never ending stream of content burning through my mind all the time I frequently think of things to put down but by the time I have a real chance to sit down and type them out my brain has moved many subjects down the road and I lose, for a time, what I intended to say. This is a multi scale issue. First, and easiest is the fact that these things don't get "written" down. Second, I interrupt people because I know that if I don't spit it out right now it may be gone for a while if not forever which is directly related to three which is the appearance of being a forgetful person. It's not generally that I've forgotten so much as it's been left so far in the past that it takes a while to bring it back up. I usually remember things but at the worst possible time such as a week after it needed done. This has over the years led me to a LOT of problems. I own the forgetfulness. I certainly don't lose things in my brain intentionally but I do frequently seem unable to really get a grip and hold onto it. I do my best. I know if frustrates the crap out of people but the best I can do is my best and it is not generally enough to slow things down a little.
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