Mindless ramblings

Haven't had much to write lately. Thankfully it's been sort of quiet. It has almost always been my experience that when things are quiet or on those rare occasions good, the "other shoe" is about to drop. I hate this. I remember a day a couple days before the end of November where I had a really good day. I'm talking one of the best I've had in FOREVER. I kept thinking about how things were going and what usually comes after, but I tried to forget about it. That saturday December 2nd. That was the worst day of my life. I will never be able to forget how horrible that day was. I can clearly see every thing from that day. I just can't escape the feeling that it's going smooth right this minute and I'm going to get hit upside the head again. I'm not angry with God for all this. My stupid choices usually help put me where I am. But I just wish He could give me a break that lasts. I am so tired of all the pain and suffering. I feel like it doesn't matter how hard I try, it will never be good enough. I am destined to suffer my whole life. Why can't life have some joy and peace. It would be so nice to just have things go the way I plan for once in a while. I always get my hopes up and when I get to the moment where I think something good is going to happen, it VERY rarely happens. I keep telling myself that I should just give up hoping all the time and I'll quit getting hurt. The next day I stupidly start hoping again and by the end of the day my hopes get crushed again. I am so tired.

Sorry

I can't believe my blog is so boring. Sorry for whining.

yeah

I can't seem to do anything right. It doesn't really matter anymore. I am a complete failure and I should just give up. Everything I touch goes wrong and no matter what I do, it isn't good enough to fix it. Whatever.