Been a while

Well, I just made the switch to the "new" blogger... not a big deal so far. Anyway. I have royally messed up my whole life. It's all bad. Just hope we can hold on and try to keep moving on from here.
We kept mostly to ourselves this Christmas. We had Christmas with my parents on Christmas eve like we normally do. We skipped out on the Bice Christmas on Christmas day. I just felt like we needed to spend the day as a family for once. On wednesday we spent about 4 hours with Sarah's brothers families and 5 of her cousins (ages 16 to 27). This has become a bit of a tradition. Last night we went to our other budding tradition... game night at Katies. I went into it thinking that we would get there about 5 and leave at 10. Boy was I off. We stayed till 12! Now that may not sound like much, but when there are 9 children under the age of 9, that is something else. It's a miracle we all survived! Seriously though, we had a fun time and it was probably something we needed. I don't feel like I have any close friends anymore (undoutedly my fault) and I really enjoy the time that we spend with my brother-in laws and Katie.
Life is too hard to tackle alone and at least I have family that is about my age. There may be somethings that I won't share with them at this point in my life, but at least we can hang out together and try to have a good time occasionally.
I apologize for the long post and the whining. But I hadn't felt like putting anything in for a while now.

Stress 2

Still functioning. Not much of an update, but starting to get some help with all that is going on. Did discover that my roof has been leaking for a while now in a closet that we don't use. Just great. On top of everything else that is stressful that I can't talk about right now, I have a leaky roof that I am completely unable to do anything about since no one will give me a loan and we are buried in a repayment plan for another year. We're barely getting by and I'm worried about Christmas. "It's the most wonderful time... of the year." Really lovely song.

Life goes on

I am trying to chill. It all seems so overwhelming (what's going on) but I have to just pick up and keep trying to move forward from here.

Stress

Still extremely stressed, but am trying to function. I am still having moments, but trying to get by.

Can't take it.

I kept having stress attacks all day. I kept feeling like I was going to puke and I kept feeling out of breath. Don't know what I'm going to do.

Startling

I had some pretty momentous (horrifying?) news this weekend. Not that I have anyone to talk to about it. I would love to have someone to talk this over with but I have been burned by so many judgemental people in my life that I don't feel I can trust anyone anymore. It's like I already feel bad enough about the various things in my life that I've done wrong but then I get to have it thrown back in my face all the time by others. That doesn't help. Sarah says I need to get it out and she's probably right but I don't have any outlets and I'm sure as heck not putting stuff that personal on a web page. Well, I guess I better go. Got schoolwork to check over, dishes to do and lunch to make... Oh and another load of laundry because I didn't get to it yesterday.

Monday 2

Did I mention I love my wife?

Monday

Today is monday. Mondays are hard enough as it is, but today really sucks because Sarah got up early to take Bree to get put to sleep. She is better off than she was since she was in pain, but it is still very hard to take. She seemed so happy most of the time, but it was still obvious she was hurting. Maybe I'll quit tearing up everytime I think about her in a couple days but it is really hard right now.

Sunday

Well not much to talk about (as usual for me). I was really rather upset with ND losing yesterday....
Oh yeah! I guess I do have something somewhat cool to mention, my parents bought Sarah and I a new Grill for Christmas. A little early but is will get used today as Sarah really loves to grill. I would put up pictures but everyone knows what a freaking grill looks like already.
Hoping to chill out today and be ready for a big day at work tomorrow.

Saturday

Not a lot going on. Going to watch the ND game and Tivo the Ohio St. - Michigan game.
Pretty simple huh?

Sunday

I am not looking forward to going back to work tommorrow. I gain about 15 employees. Yay.
Anyway. I don't have much that is cool or interesting to add but thought that I'd better add something as it HAS been a while.
Lastly, you ever notice how much life sucks?
Anyway.

Stephen

friday

So glad it's friday. Very tired today. Read yesterday all about the temple specs. in I kings. Why did God leave that stuff in the Bible? I'm sure there is some wonderful reason. But it is so boring! Everybit as bad as geneology. The difference is I understand the geneology has a real reason for being in there. It helps people track their forefathers.
Anyway, enough rambling. I'm so worn out.

Stephen

October 29

Well. 32. It's finally here. I think I actually feel like this is a bigger number to overcome than 30 was. Oh well. It's life. We get older.
Well Sarah and her parents and Saralynn are in Nashville today. Kind of sucks not to have the person who is closest to you not there for your birthday, but I guess in the scheme of things it's really not that big of a deal. I miss her a lot and can't wait till she gets back. Just hope I can get off my butt and get some stuff done around here today. The house is a real mess. And the yard is covered in leaves. I have been wanting to get the freaking leaves done, but it hasn't hardly stopped raining for 2 weeks!
Not much else to talk about. I'm tired of being so poor. It makes all of life so much more difficult to wonder if we are even going to have enough to pay for food and bills. Life sucks.

Stephen

October 17

Today is my son Ethans 6th birthday. I still remember holding him in the operating room and them handing him to me with a bottle and him sucking on it right away! This was extra special because Philip (8) did not eat for so long after birth, we were getting really concerned.
So anyway, Happy Birthday Ethan

Dad/Stephen

Friday

With the cold weather and snow threatening, its got me concerned again about wether or not our roof can hold up another winter. It is starting to cave in on the north side a little bit and if we get snow, it may not hold. We have no money and can't get a loan. I try not to worry but it is so hard. I don't know what we are going to do.

Stephen

Wednesday

Well, today I learned that even when we mean things for evil (or our own selfish desires) God can still use it for a good thing.
Not much going on, at home. Kids took forever with school work today.
Work however is different. There is going to be a layoff tommorrow. I will lose 3 to the layoff and 9 to replace others that have been layed off in other departments! Oh yes. tommorrow is going to be a LOVELY day.

Stephen

Monday

Well, the start of another week. Continuing my reading of 2 Samuel. I find it interesting everytime I read this book that God calls David a man after His own heart. Today David kills Thousands of his enemies and subjugates entire kingdoms. Yet all these ridiculous people in our society say it is wrong to go to war. God Himself makes it very clear that this is a nescesary thing. Not in every case but I think that in order to make people safe it is perfectly ok. People may not agree with our going to war in Iraq but standing up for the helpless is always a good thing and if our country has degenerated to the place where it is evil to stand up for the helpless and poor, then we really are screwed.

stephen

Monday

Thursday

2 Samuel 6 and 7.
David made it clear that the things we consider foolish are often the very thing God wants us to do. He danced with all his might before the Lord and it was right before God. Also God promised to make Davids "house" stand for all time.

Stephen

Wednesday

Today in 2 Samuel 5 and 6 we see yet one more time David says that it is not okay to kill the Lords annointed. He gets a little repetitive. You would think that after he had the last group killed for this that they would have got the point.
Anyway, work is slow and it kind of sucks, but is kind of nice to not have a lot going on all the time!

Stephen

tuesday

Today I read 2 Samuel 3 and 4. It was not overly interesting as some of the previous chapters. I noticed that even some who say they are following God's plan are not really following. And even when they do truly come to Him there is still not guaranteed peace. Abner was killed by Joab. There is probably more to learn but I'm just not paying attention very well today.

Stephen

October

Well october is here. Where did the time go? It is very hard for me sitting here to think that we only have 3 months left till the end of the year. It has been a rough year and yet here we still stand somehow. Another week begins and I still can't believe the weekend is over. I think I would love nothing more than to stay home for a month! This may seem silly or immature but it would be so restful to just take it easy and not have to worry about so many things all the time.

Also it would give me time to get back to work on my book. I haven't really done much with it lately. It is something I have wanted to do for a long time but I find it hard to justify the time it takes to work on it. I often feel soooo squeezed for time that I end up trying to do nothing at all. I know this is not a good thing either. Well got to go.

Stephen

Saturday

Today is the Michigan at Notre Dame game. I believe ND will take it 3 scores to 2. We have the ability and just need things to start clicking.
Thought I'd finally put this image of my kids at Binder Park Zoo.

Weekend coming.

Well the weekend is coming and we all are looking forward to it. I can't wait.

Monday!

Well another week begins. I don't hate my job, I just wish I didn't have to be there all the time. I would love to be home more than I am. I feel like I need a break from all this.
I just am so sick of being broke. I guess that is what it all comes down to.

Well today is another day... duh! Anyway not much going on around here. I drained a little excess water from our waterbed. Hopefully I can do a little around here. I'm thinking about shampooing the living room carpet. Then of course there is the Notre Dame game to think about... and watch of course. I hope I can get some good rest today. I had 2 fourteen hour days this week (in addition to the normal ten or eleven the others!) I hate being gone from my family so long but I have to make money, so I guess it is a necesary evil! Well I should get going. Hey I think the shuttle lauch is on in about half an hour!

Stephen

My blog!

I finally have a blog again! Not much to say or think about as I'm pretty boring. If I get time though I'll add some pics for family (and others I guess).